Happy new year! This piece would have been much more relevant if I had finished writing it when I actually started, but here I am 9 months later finally wrapping it up. If the length of time it’s taken for me to finish it is any indication of how much I think about this subject – then it’s clear that this is a topic I overthink a lot.
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In The Simpsons episode Hurricane Neddy starts off with scenes of a new year celebration. One of my favourite jokes featured is the rendition of Auld Lang Syne sung by the townsfolk, with Krusty who is clearly far too intoxicated to remember the words and just screaming along. I can definitely relate especially since I very rarely remember the words – You only sing it once a year, and who sits down to take time and practice it? It It’s like a figuring out your signature: one of those things you’re expected to pick up and just know.
I think what motivated me to write this piece is how I’m constantly reminded of the connection my attitude to alcohol has with the media I watched as a child – and how I very much resent that. Within my first few hours of NYE 2020 I had drunk too much and was standing to the side of Holborn station expelling bad spirits from my body, much to the embarrassment of my girlfriend. To be fair though, best to start the year off with bad experiences – I mean, 2020 couldn’t possibly get any worse than that right?
Even though I know the show does not dodge the impact that alcohol consumption can have, it doesn’t convey the other realities that well like the taste. Whenever it is presented in most television shows, it’s something that’s delicious, enjoyable and refreshing. In fact it resembled a glass of Coke sometimes – I remember emulating the pouring of a beer in a glass with some Coke, leading the bubbles froth up like the head on a pint. For the longest time Coke was my equivalent of beer as a kid – it’s a drinkable commodity, a treat to be savoured and a refreshment that helps you socialise. Going back to another episode of The Simpsons – Homer vs. The Eighteenth Amendment in which he faces off against no-nonsense police chief Rex Banner – alcohol is a valuable commodity that is treasured and well-loved and enjoyed by so many people (notwithstanding the opening sequence in which Homer and co. get ridiculously drunk). Also, in that episode, Bart manages to down a shit load of beer in one go – it makes it look so easy. Come to think of it also, The City of New York vs Homer Simpson shows Barney’s agony at not being able to drink for a 10 year old child. Conversely though, and I do think that I’m not giving The Simpsons enough credit in the discussion on alcohol, as I remember the scene in Bart On The Road when Bart and co. try to buy beers and instantly change their mind when they see what the substance has done to the denizens of Moe’s tavern.
From this influence, beer was something that can be easily drunk time and time again but when I had one for the first time it was definitely in the contrary.
I suppose it’s a very similar case with coffee as it’s a sophisticated flavour for adults that you’ll learn to appreciate as you get older, but the way that the beverage is celebrated and the words used to describe the satisfaction of getting a cigarette, a beer or a coffee make them very alluring to people who are prohibited from having them.
I first tried some of my dad’s beer when I asked him to when I was like 10ish I think? It was around the time he would have his routine of watching The Simpsons at 6pm on Channel 4 followed by the news. I remember it tasted like shit – bitter and harsh and chemical-ly. I would never understand how someone can enjoy that.
Alcohol taste wise has never been my friend. I guess I do have a pretty sensitive taste palate as I don’t drink beer, wine or enjoy drinks straight or neat. I remember watching an April Fools advert from the US beer brand Sam Adams, in which they had created a HeliYUM beer which pitched your voice higher. The spokesperson talked about the complexity of beer flavours and I didn’t understand how it was able to be interpreted as anything other than disgusting.
If I were to drink something on tap, it would probably be a cider. I started drinking with those Scandinavian fruit ciders (thanks to XboxAhoy’s Drinks Ahoy series) but traditional apple based beverages from the UK have a very biscuity flavour, I accidentally sipped from the wrong pint of beer on a work trip recently in Liverpool and could definitely taste it – but it was no more appealing than my impression of it previously.
Even with wine, I find the main alcohol flavour of it overpowering, and I can’t taste beyond that underlying flavour. Wine tastings bemuse me – and I’m always reminded of this when I rewatch any video in which Jordan Schlansky talks about wine. Perhaps it’s something that you get accustomed to over time, that the nuances can be recognised, but that takes time and a weird perseverance to stick with it, but I personally don’t see the point.
Come to think about it, my taste in the type of alcohol tastes I can handle must come from that early association with sweet beverages, and the pedestal they were put on. Sugary soft drinks to sugar hard drinks isn’t that big of a leap.
I don’t necessarily understand the motivation for drinking even though I am very party to drinking myself. But I really do think I need to re-evaluate my relationship with the substance. I’ve been enjoying cocktails a lot more in recent years, and I don’t drink wine or beer, so whenever I do enjoy a drink it’s often quite strong. In my university years when I had full control over when and what I would drink it was often to get to the destination and not enjoy the journey. If I was buying alcohol it was to get the job done, to get drunk. Drunk enough to enjoy the fucking boredom of the university nightclub. Then I would fondly enjoy the post drinking experience of fighting off the verge to vomit, holding back the acidic taste in your mouth before it all goes fucking bad.
Now, I’ve found drinks that I actually enjoy, and although I am always the one person at the pub who isn’t having an easy option (it’s hard to buy rounds when your drink is much more pricey than what most other people are having). I’ve found a taste combo that I can easily enjoy (this is risky however, as it does mean I can enjoy many of them too quick). I find the expectation for people to just like beer or wine as a ‘normal’ thing to be weird. You can’t help but feel like the odd one out sometimes. I just can’t help but feel like there’s a weird kind of masculinity. There’s definitely a cultural association between gender and your beverage of choice. Recently the lines have become blurred of course but it is just a funny thing to notice that men drink beer and women drink wine.
I also suppose that this cultural association with damaging substances has been around for a long time – it’s ridiculous to see how ‘normal’ overconsumption of alcohol and cigarettes were – especially after finishing a watch through of Mad Men.
A big damaging factor who why I decided to get drink so often and actively was just how many times I had seen it in stories – it was an experience that looked interesting.
Maybe it’s a bit personal, but I suppose my relationship with alcohol hasn’t necessarily come from a good place since my father has continually fucked it – and sometimes I get very scared I’m going to end up like him with his awful attitudes in using it, getting drunk and therefore letting everything bad in you get amplified to 11.
The first time I ever drank and got drunk was at a house party when I was 16 – it is very pathetic but it was an over dramatic reaction to me being sad that a girl didn’t like me. Ugh, fucking awful. So definitely not a good start to my experiences with the substance.
Winding back up to The Simpsons, I think that Homer wraps up my thoughts on alcohol quite succinctly – ‘to alcohol the cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems”
I was originally going to end the article like that. Well, I say it’s an article but it’s more of a collection of jumbled thoughts and reflections on my connection with this substance. Ending the article like that was lazy, irresponsible and just a bad attempt to wrap this piece up in a semi-poetic way.
This week I was at a virtual stag do for one of my close friends, and I drank way too much. But I really don’t understand why…but I feel so low afterwards. This goes beyond the headaches and the oversleeping the next day – it is a weird shame and embarrassment and a dent in my pride I feel by drinking. I was slurring my words to my flatmate whilst asking her about Emily in Paris and it was a weird situation for her to have to put up with and I just feel awful and embarrassed about it. It was fine but I why have I given myself so much grief over having a nice time with my friends that evening?
I hate what alcohol does to me, but I don’t understand why I’m so obsessed with needing it to have a different kind of fun – an un-tame, ‘wild’ irregular experience I will regret through physical or emotional stress. I don’t want to keep doing this to be completely honest, and I don’t want to keep waking up feeling so ashamed for no reason. I didn’t even do anything irregular, just spilled a glass of water over my new keyboard (breaking the CTRL key in the process, which was the only mistake I made on the evening, but it’s really frustrated me since). I need to keep thinking about it.
minutiae+musings 