25.09.20
The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Okay, now I just looked up at the screen to see if I spelled that correctly. Currently I am typing this out on my laptop whilst lying down on my bed and staring into the ceiling. It isn’t just to practice my blind typing, of which I do an excellent job, its because I just need a minute to take a breather and think about failure.
I just got word that I have not progressed to the last stage of a job application I got interviewed for. I got the email, and my heart sank a little bit. I’m trying to find any consolation in the positive feedback I received (of which there’s a good amount), so that’s a good thing. The issue is with Covid and lockdown is that I have 4 months left on my current employment contract of which I should be grateful for but I’m also getting kind of burnt out now. Maybe it’s the monotony of working from home with the cabin fever and not having my own personal workspace where I can just focus on a proper desk.
I’m very good at starting things but very bad at following through with them. I need the excitement of something new. This job offer was important for me but only because I put it on a pedestal. I was reading the vacancy and description and it was so perfect; I felt like I could do everything in it and that it was also at the perfect company too. I got so caught up in the idea of working there, you probably know what those applications are like. I got through to the interview and I went into it quite confidently. I have very solid experience and a hyper relevant skillset to the role. I think that I’m quite good in business focused conversations and can easily surmise my thoughts and feelings which I think reflected well in my interview. I wish I had a time machine to go back and do a better job in the interview but to be completely honest I wish I just hadn’t have gone on about my career aspirations as this was probably the thing that eventually did me in.
The job wasn’t the right fit for me apparently, so that was my problem. It is bad, because I had been holding out for this application to be successful and get me away from the negativity I’m currently feeling about my job. It’s really shitty behaviour on my part because here I am in my London flat paying rent and still being able to pay rent with a well-paid job and I’m taking it all for granted. Its hard with lockdown because I feel that I don’t have a right to complain because for every corporate graduate whining about his lack of purpose there’s so many people who have lost loved ones or are in much more distressing situations, so I probably just need to shut up and get a grip.
To be honest though, whatever has happened has happened, and the thing I need to do now is focus on making the most of the next five months and learning a lot. So that next time I go for a job I’m this excited for I’ll be much more successful.
25.09.21
I just found this piece in my drafts whilst refining some other stuff for Season 3 of the blog, and I’m actually quite pleased that I wrote it – also, holy shit! By complete coincidence it’s one year ago to the day that I wrote the original…
I suppose it’s a relevant topic for the blog since it’s a life development, but since then I’ve moved into a role at the same company I was working at previously, but a role that uses my personality, skills and knowledge in a fantastic way.
It’s made such a difference – I think stability is the word that comes back to mind very often. Now that I’m no longer dangling on the end of a contract, my working situation is a lot less tenuous. It means I can also use the newfound confidence in a hyper relevant role and projects for myself to let myself be the best version of me I can be. I really can’t overstate how much of a difference I feel right now compared to when I wrote the first part of this piece, I feel as though I have my dream job and that my purpose is clearer and more recognised. I’m just very happy right now.
minutiae+musings 